Why I left TV News

Regrets? No. Not all childhood dreams make you happy. And that’s ok. I regret nothing about my career choices. I don’t regret following my passion for storytelling which led me to the world of TV News. And I certainly do not regret leaving that world behind. However, it took a lot of soul searching to be okay with closing that door. There were lots of tears and many sleepless nights while trying to come to terms with the fact that my childhood dreams did not make me happy.

In the Myrtle Beach, SC studio where I had my first full-time news job.

A lot of people still ask me why I left news. There are many reasons why. Happiness is the most important reason. I tried so hard to find it in news. I always thought the next job in a new state, next promotion, higher salary, and award-winning stories would give me that happiness I so desperately wanted, which never came.

I moved several times to small market stations before I finally made it back to my hometown. After two years as weekend anchor and reporter, my dreams came true – I landed a promotion as weekday morning anchor. It’s the type of position many in news work a lifetime to land. I remember being 16 as a weekend “helper” in that newsroom. I sat at the anchor desk once. Dreaming. I worked so hard to make that dream come true. It did. Exactly ten years later. However the reality came with a great sense of sadness.

I’m not sure why I couldn’t find happiness in the world I worked so hard to create for myself. My days were filled with storytelling, deadlines, and breaking news. It is an environment I thrive in. No two days were alike. Every day brought a new story and new challenges. I was working alongside great story tellers, dreamers like me, and wonderful people I still consider friends today. However, I was fighting so hard to find a sense of peace within this world.

In the studio at my final TV job.

Right before I accepted the morning anchor position, I was considering leaving the business. But I was for sure that new opportunity would bring me a sense of happiness and accomplishment I so longed for. Two years after the promotion, I was desperately tired, overworked, and becoming jaded by the darkness news reporters have to cover on a daily basis. I was waking up at 2 am to make it to work by 3:30 am and working 10-12 hours days. I missed countless holidays, family events, and my mental well-being was not good. I was missing happiness in my 20’s. Isn’t that supposed to be the time of your life?

As I was, once again, considering leaving the business, I had an opportunity – one I think was God-given. He knew I needed to close that door. He knew I’d have a hard time making the decision on my own. So he created an opportunity for me that was too good to say no to. It was the first time in my life an opportunity actually landed in my lap. I did not have to send 80 resumes tapes to news directors across the country to get this job. I would not have to leave home, again. Moving was something I did not want to do but would have to if I wanted to continue climbing the news latter. And that terrified me.

The opportunity was a marketing and PR job that came with holidays off, a mostly “normal” schedule, and most exciting of all – travel. It was a perfect fit for me. After the interview, I knew this position would be great for me. Even though I wanted this job badly, a part of me was hoping an offer wouldn’t come. I wanted to desperately leave news, but doing so was incredibly scary. News was my world and everything I ever wanted since I was 16. When a formal offer came, I agonized over what to do for days. I felt like I was giving up. Was I giving up on my dreams? If I left, was I leaving too early? Should I give it some more time?  Perhaps the next news job would be the one that made me happy?

Making the Decision to Leave News

After many sleepless nights, discussions with my parents and fiancé (now husband), I drafted a resignation letter. When I handed it in, I felt an incredible sense of peace just minutes later. Peace I wasn’t quite prepared for. God had his hand on my shoulder and I wasn’t worried anymore. My decision was made and I was more ready than ever to close this chapter of my life. My last day in the newsroom was certainly sad. I was leaving a big part of myself in that newsroom. I grew up there – scanner noise, typing, and edit bay chatter were things I wasn’t sure I could live without.

When I left the newsroom for the last time on February 28, 2014, I didn’t know it then, but my life really started. Regret was something I feared, really feared. To my surprise, I’ve never felt a sense of loss. I certainly miss certain things about news and the people; however I have felt content with my decision since I left the newsroom. I have been living my best life. I spend more time with family, I get holidays off, I get a lunch break, I travel, and I’m truly HAPPY. The only thing I ever really wanted.

In large part, I think that happiness comes from not seeing the darkness every day. As a news reporter, I saw a lot of sadness. During my news career, I spoke with countless family members mourning the loss of loved ones due to gun violence. I held back tears while interviewing a grandfather whose grandson was beaten to death by the mother’s boyfriend. I attended the funeral of a 5-year-old shot to death in Flint. With police, I went into a drug home where children were crying as their parents sold drugs in the back bedroom. I was there as police rescued near-dead dogs from a dog fighting ring. I’ve been in the lobby of the Genesee County Jail far too many times.

I could go on and on about the darkness. I could also share a lot of inspiring stories, too. But it’s the dark ones that kept me from being happy. I didn’t really know that then. But I see it now.

Finding Happiness

I choose happiness every day now. And I think my jobs as a news reporter was keeping me from that. I have a hard time with “sad” things these days. I don’t like watching the news, I don’t like watching sad movies, and I certainly don’t like sad realities. I’m not ignorant to what’s happening in the world. I just want, so desperately, to focus on the happiness.

I’m so incredibly thankful for the opportunities I had in news. I saw a side of the world that both amazes me and scares me. I worked with incredibly talented people, and I learned what true grit is. And I respect the people who have spent a lifetime bringing us the news, as I know how hard they work AND they carry a tremendous amount of sadness with them. They really do a thankless job, one that comes with a lot of criticism, too. News reporters, anchors, photographers, producers, assignment editors, and anyone responsible for making a news show come together will always have my undying respect. I wished I could have been cutout for a lifetime in that industry. But it simply wasn’t meant to be for me.

I wouldn’t change my childhood dreams for anything. As the pursuit led me down a extraordinary path that ultimately gave me happiness. Dreams are worth pursuing. And it’s okay if they don’t turn out to be the reality you thought they would be. It simply means there’s something better waiting for you. I’m so happy I trusted in God and closed a door only he could help me close. What was waiting for me was worth every sleepless night. Cheers! xoxo