My Postpartum Fitness Journey

I believe every weight loss journey, big or small is a struggle. In my experience, the postpartum weight loss journey is especially difficult. I’m still on it. In fact, just recently (a year after Lukas’ birth) I’m able to muster up the strength to get rid of the lingering baby weight. I gained 60 pounds, losing it is way more difficult than I thought it would be. I recognize my body will never be the same after baby. I’m ok with that. What I’m not okay with, is the way I’ve been feeling. My lifestyle behaviors since becoming a mom, in terms of fitness, are not the norm. Motherhood brings a tremendous amount of joy, don’t get me wrong. It fulfills you in ways you never imagined. I have been the happiest these past 12 months. However, there is a sadness I feel because I haven’t been true to myself.

I am a lifelong runner. I started running long distance when I was 12. My outlet, mentally and physically is running. I have two marathons under my belt, and countless other long distance races. I’ve never been a fast runner. I’ve never won a race (except for that one time I got lost). I never will legitimately win a race :). I am not athletic. But my sense of determination always got me to the finish line. What I lacked in athleticism, I made up for in will-power. During this new journey of motherhood, I somehow lost that side of myself. Not the determination to finish things – I think it’s what helped me survive the newborn months. However, I stopped running. I stopped investing in ME. Does the number on the scale bother me? Hell yes it does. Not because it’s a number. Because it represents what I’ve lost, not gained. So I’m not going to talk about this weight loss journey in terms of numbers. I will talk about in terms of finding my “pre-mom fitness mentality”.

I’m now determined to fall in love again with my passion for running. I want to make it a priority. It will take a new sense of will-power to make this happen. I have new priorities and more responsibilities, but I need to somehow feel okay with investing in myself, too. I struggle with guilt. Guilt when I do go for a run. Guilt when I’m at work. Guilt when I’m with my friends. Guilt when I’m on a date with James. Why? As a working mom, I have limited time with Lukas. Any time out of the office, not spent with Lukas, creates a great sense of guilt. I am letting guilt control my life. I need to overcome this and I strongly believe getting back to my roots as a runner will help me. I hope it will also make me a better mom. I want Lukas to know the daily runner, marathon trainer, mentally healthy me.

I’m not saying I’ve completely abandoned the former “healthy” me. I’ve remained focused on healthy cooking. It is important to me to share my love of food and cooking with Lukas. I want to show him healthy food can taste good, and indulging is not bad. There is a balance. Teaching him that balance will be the hard part. I struggled with that at an early age. It’s what launched my running journey when I was only 12. I am not blessed with a fast metabolism, I never have been. But I am blessed with an appreciation for good food and a passion to create my own meals. My mom passed that down to me. I am forever grateful for that. However, maintaining a weight that I’m happy with has always been two-fold; a healthy approach to food and running. I need to once again focus on both.

So in a sense, my weight loss journey is not about losing the baby weight. It’s about finding my “pre-mom fitness mentality”. Last week I went for a run 4 out of 7 days. It wasn’t easy. I was struggling to make time for a shower, let alone a run. However, I’ve probably only went for a dozen jogs since having Lukas, so I felt like I had some fitness wins last week. I already feel mentally stronger. I need to find a way to continue this. Even if I get outside and run for just 20 minutes. Every little bit helps. I’m not ready to commit to a marathon yet, but I do think about it a lot. I think about Lukas at the finish line, I think about the tremendous joy completing another 26.2 miles would bring. I think it would be more rewarding than my first marathon. We will see. I’m taking things in stride for now. I hope to have a good progress report for you in a couple months. In the meantime, I’d love to hear from you! Have you faced weight-loss and fitness struggles? What are your tips? I’d love any advice! Thank you! xoxo