Lukas’ Birth Story

When you’re expecting, they advise you to have a birth plan, but they also say be prepared for things to not go as planned. I’m a stubborn person, so naturally I thought I could plan everything perfectly. I had a birth plan and I was very confident it would go accordingly. You see, Lukas is stubborn like his mom. He had different plans.

I wanted a natural birth so badly. Like really bad. I don’t necessarily mean a birth without drugs. I was open to that. I’m not crazy, just stubborn. I simply wanted to bring Lukas into the world on my own terms. To me, a C-section was not an option. I researched the midwife program at the University of Michigan and decided that would be my best course of action in hopes of avoiding a C-section. At about 34 weeks, Lukas had flipped and he was in birth position. Apparently he wasn’t comfortable in that position.

At my 36 week appointment we learned that he flipped back. He was breached. I was devastated. My midwife encouraged me not to panic. Odds were good that since he already flipped into birth position once, he would do it again. She gave me a list of exercises that would help him flip. By exercises, I mean standing on my head. Not pretty at all. When you’re 36 weeks pregnant, this is not fun. Not fun at all. But I wanted him to flip badly, so I did it (he better thank me later). At 38 weeks Lukas was still breached. My midwife had a last resort solution for a vaginal birth – version. It’s a procedure used to turn a baby from a breech position. The odds of successfully turning him were 50/50. We scheduled the version, but I had a change of heart. After a lot of debate we decided to leave it in God’s hands and not do the version.

Lukas would be born via C-section. I was disappointed but he was healthy and that’s all the really mattered. I was incredibly thankful for a healthy pregnancy, but I was absolutely terrified of having a C-section. I had never even had stitches or broken a bone, so the thought of delivering Lukas via a C-section was very scary for me. I also felt a sense of guilt that I couldn’t bring him into this world naturally. The morning of January 30, 2017 we left the house at 5:30 a.m. and headed to the hospital. His nursery was ready to go, diapers were stocked, the fridge was full, and our hearts were racing. It’s an indescribable feeling knowing that life was about to change drastically. We were certainly excited, but we were both very scared, too. We were not naive to the fact that challenges lied ahead. The uncertainty of those challenges was the scary part. We also weren’t prepared for the overwhelming love that would consume our lives for the months to come.

My fear of a C-section worsened as “go time” got closer. The nurses had a very hard time putting in my IV. I was so swollen, they couldn’t find the vein. We discovered I had preeclampsia which explained why I had been so swollen the last month of my pregnancy (more in another blog post). Six attempts, three nurses, and an ultra-sound later, they got the IV in. As they wheeled me off to the OR I began to panic and they had to call my mom in to calm me down. She eased my anxiety tremendously and told me to focus on the fact that I was going to be holding my son in a matter of minutes. So off we went to have a baby.

Right after the epidural, I felt nothing from the neck down. It was actually a very calming experience. James was by my side and I could tell he was slightly nervous. He kept asking if I was okay. I felt some pulling and tugging, but no pain at all. I just felt a lot of anticipation. Thank goodness I couldn’t see what was happening. James saw some of it, and I’m sure I wouldn’t be able to stomach it. As the doctors performed the procedure I kept asking James “is he here yet?” I couldn’t wait to hold him. To see him and touch him. There was so much to look forward to. After about 20 minutes, we heard Lukas cry for the first time. He had a good set of lungs. I immediately started crying, too. They couldn’t bring him to me fast enough. When they put him in my arms I was immediately different. My heart felt like it was going to burst with happiness. This baby that I had dreamed about was finally here. He was healthy and we were a family.

The hospital stay was short. Only two days. Thank goodness because I couldn’t sleep at all there. I’m not sure if it was the bed, the pain from the C-section, or the high from having him in my arms, but I didn’t sleep a wink. Exhaustion seemed to get the better of me on the second day. I was in a lot of pain and I remember having a breakdown in the bathroom as the nurse helped me go to the bathroom. All dignity is gone and you’re so overcome with emotion. Again, my mom had to help me pull myself together. She was such a saving grace in the hospital – and she would be for the days and months to come. Once I was able to take a shower, I felt like a new person. I was a new person – a mom. So with my mom pants on and a baby in my arms we headed home. Home had new meaning. Life had new challenges. And this new love was overwhelming.